


A chance to say goodbye

by Insperowl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, CT-6116 | Kix Needs A Hug, Drama, Gen, Protective Ahsoka Tano, a lot of tcw final glass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insperowl/pseuds/Insperowl
Summary: It took Kix a long time to get used to the idea that nothing he once knew existed anymore. He meets Ahsoka and she takes him to the snowy planet where Jesse died.
Relationships: CT-6116 | Kix & Ahsoka Tano
Kudos: 40





	A chance to say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Шанс сказать «прощай»](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25317169) by [Insperowl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insperowl/pseuds/Insperowl). 



> I wrote this in the wake of the season 7 finale. My way to say goodbye to Jesse and tcw.
> 
> Decided to translate it bc why not XD

It took Kix a long time to get used to the idea that nothing he once knew existed anymore. That the Republic being replaced by the Empire. His brothers fought and died for three long years for nothing. They all became toys in the hands of the cruel Emperor. That the war ended with the destruction of the Jedi Order. That while he was sleeping, the Empire fell under the onslaught of the rebels and in its place the New Republic was born. And that fifty years have passed since the separatists kidnapped him.

Fifty years ... Kix felt completely devastated when he learned of this. Waking up from stasis, he hoped it wasn't too late to prevent a catastrophe. That he could prove to General Skywalker that Fives was right and that the Chancellor was really up to something terrible. But ... He was late. Hopelessly late. There was no more Republic to warn, and no more brothers he desperately wanted to save. The realization that he was the last clone tore his heart apart.

It hurt Kix to think of his brothers. But it was especially hard from the unknown. How did Jesse die? Did he obey Order 66 and become a stormtrooper, or did he die long before that? What happened to Rex? Did he decide to remove the chip, or did he obey the order and kill General Skywalker? What happened to Echo and the Bad Batch? A lot of questions were spinning in his head, but he had no answer to any of them. But the most painful thing was to realize that he could not say goodbye to any of them.

He was grateful to the pirates of the Crimson Corsair, even if they helped him out of selfish motives. The destruction of the old bases of the separatists helped him to feel like a soldier of the Grand Army of the Republic again. A republic that will no longer appreciate his efforts. But when was it different? But that was the only goal that helped him move on.

What will happen when the last base is destroyed? Kix didn't want to think about it. Kix tried not to think about the future at all. Fifty years ago, life was much simpler and clearer. He was a soldier who took care of the health of his brothers and the general. He fought for peace and saved lives. Did he think about the future then? Of course yes. But in those dreams of the future, there were always brothers by his side, and he did not feel so painfully lonely. The future now seemed like something cold and hopeless.

***

Another planet where pirates wanted to sell their loot. Another cantina where Kix wanted to get drunk so as not to think about anything. And as always, he only felt worse.

"Kix?"  
Kix froze at the familiar voice. He turned around and faced the surprised blue eyes. If their owner hadn't touched his shoulder, Kix wouldn't have believed it was true. He hadn't expected to see Ahsoka Tano alive.

Fifty years ago, Ahsoka Tano was a child. She was cocky, smiling and brave. He trusted her with his back more than he could count. Kix remembered her this way and mourned her death along with General Skywalker.

The woman in front of him didn't look like that child. Her face was adorned with wrinkles, her montrals and lekku were much longer than before, and her eyes were full of sadness and surprise. If not for the familiar pattern on her face, he might not recognize her.

"Commander Tano?"  
“It's so unusual to hear that title again,” a smile touched her lips. "Since Rex died, no one else has called me that. It happened two and a half years ago."

Something inside him broke. He was late again. If he had been found much earlier, he would have had the opportunity to spend time with the captain ... If only he could have prevented the disaster ...

He spoke and spoke, not paying attention to the flowing tears and the fact that people had already begun to look back at them. He didn't care about anyone but Ahsoka. It was as if he was still somewhere deep down hoping that the information that he learned could save at least someone. Maybe it was so. He didn't know how she survived Order 66, but he certainly didn't want her to believe that his brothers betrayed her of their own accord.

He could have saved everyone if he had been more careful in his investigation. He should have shared this information with Rex much earlier. He had to ... The only thing he could do now is to save at least the memory of them.

Ahsoka also had tears in her eyes as she hugged him tightly.

“I never blamed any of them. None of them wanted this, none of this was their conscious choice. The Emperor did everything so that none of us could stop it. By the time it started, nothing could be fixed. So please don't blame yourself. "

It was weak consolation, but Kix felt a little better. Perhaps at that moment, she used the Force to soothe his pain. Perhaps the reason was that she understood him much better than the pirates of the Crimson Corsair, who never knew his brothers. Ahsoka knew them all. Or perhaps he felt better from the realization that this information, even after fifty years, reached the ears of the Jedi.

When Ahsoka finally released him, Kix finally braced himself to ask the question that had tormented him for a long time.

"Did Rex tell you how ... how Jesse died?"

Ahsoka nodded, her eyes downcast.

"Follow me, I'll tell you along the way. It's a long story and I don't want anyone else to listen to us."

***

She spoke only when the ship went into hyperspace. Kix could see how hard it was for her to think about it, but it was what both of them needed. What he personally needed. All this time, while he was tormented by the unknown, Kix imagined all sorts of options for what could happen to Jesse and the others. But he did not suspect that what actually happened would be much worse.

She talked about the siege of Mandalore and what happened on the Republic cruiser when Darth Sidious ordered her to be executed. How Rex gave her a clue, how she removed his chip, and how Jesse fought them despite the ship falling apart.

It was unbearable to know that Jesse was a victim of the chip. Jesse would never point a blaster at Rex, whom he respected with all his heart. Kix remembered exactly how Tap had behaved when his chip crashed. And he was horrified by the very thought that Jesse was trapped in his own head, repeating just one phrase that controlled him like some droid. Good soldiers always follow orders. Even if this order was to kill your own brother ...

Jesse was a good soldier and a great friend. He had a great sense of humor and always gave good advice. He was a man! A human, not a meat droid. And he deserved the best. All his brothers deserved a better fate than what the emperor condemned them to.

Kix could feel his head spinning and his heart breaking in pain. It could have been different if only he had not been so weak then. If only he hadn't drawn Count Dooku's attention to himself ...

The old, shattered Venator lay on the planet's surface as a memorial to the fallen Republic and its loyal soldiers.

Time took its toll. Snow wrapped his brothers in a thick white blanket, allowing only a few of their helmets to look out. They looked at him indifferently with the darkness of their visors, forgotten and alone, like the entire era of the Jedi. Like the Republic they once fought for.

Ahsoka touched his shoulder and quietly returned to the ship, leaving him alone with his pain. Kix was grateful to her for that.

Having dug up the snow a little, he saw what he was looking for. He lifted Jesse's helmet and ran his fingers over the nearly faded Republic symbol at its base. Jesse did his best to make this symbol visible once he became an ARC-trooper.

Kix could not help remembering how Jesse had been bragging to all the brothers for a whole week about his new armor and the fact that he was now an ARC-trooper. It was very funny for the first couple of days, and then Kix would just roll his eyes when Jesse started talking about it again. He was so proud to be promoted to lieutenant and become an ARC-trooper!

He was one of the most loyal soldiers of the Republic and took pride in his service. This is what this symbol was supposed to represent.

Kix couldn't hold back his tears when he saw the burns and abrasions that the helmet received, probably after the ship fell. He didn’t want to think about what his friend was experiencing and what Jesse was thinking in his last minutes, and whether he could think about anything other than a damn order in general. Was he afraid of death at this moment? Did he die quickly, without feeling anything, or did he suffer before he died?

Jesse always did what he thought was right. This is why he agreed with Fives' plan on Umbara, which is why he did so many good things. He shouldn't have died like this, a limp puppet in the hands of the emperor, wanting to kill his own brother and Commander Tano.

Kix pressed his forehead against Jesse's helmet, finally being able to say goodbye to his best friend properly. With a friend whom he actually doomed to a terrible death. If only he could tell about the conspiracy before he was captured ... If only he was not so weak and captured by the droids ... If ... Jesse and Rex would not have to go through all of this. Their brothers would not have to die in vain. And Rex would not have been plagued by guilt all his life, burying all the brothers he ever loved.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, hoping desperately that Jesse would hear him on the other side. "Forgive me, brother."

The last time they saw each other, Jesse was filled with hope for the future. They both dreamed of getting drunk in '79, once the war was over. How they will stick together and will definitely find something to do in a new peaceful life. Kicks wondered what Jesse was thinking when he suddenly disappeared without giving any reason.

"Sleep well, Jesse... I'll see you on the other side."

Kix forced himself to leave Jesse's helmet in the snow where his body rested. He did not find the strength to separate them. This place has been a monument to the Grand Army of the Republic for these long fifty years and should remain so in the future. Someday he, too, will be under this snow next to his brothers.

***

The way back to Felucia went in silence. Kix felt devastated. He was grateful to Ahsoka for not trying to convince him again that everything that happened was not his fault. Whatever she said, he could never forgive himself after what he saw today.

"What do you intend to do next?" She asked when the ship finally landed in port.  
“I don’t know,” Kix replied honestly, wiping his eyes. “Back to the Crimson Corsair's team.

He must finish what he started. There were still two bases that he needed to destroy. In memory of Jesse and all those brothers who stayed on that snowy moon. In honor of all the clones that died decades ago. What will happen next? Who knows. He'll think about it later.

“If you are sure of this, then I have no right to stop you.” Ahsoka smiled at him. “But if you ever get tired of being a pirate, let me know. I know people who will welcome a skilled soldier. "  
"I'll think about it," Kix found the strength to smile. - "But I have to finish what I started."

Ahsoka nodded in understanding and rubbed her chin thoughtfully, looking somewhere behind Kix. Merry sparks lit up in her eyes.

"Do you mind if I join you? Destroying Separatist bases sounds like an interesting idea."  
“How can I refuse you, Commander?” Kix's smile was sincere this time. “Only one condition. Don't throw me with the Force like you used to do with Captain Rex. "

Ahsoka laughed.

"I will try to resist the temptation."

He saw before him the old Ahsoka Tano now. For some reason, his soul became a little calmer. For the first time in these long months, he could finally think about his future, and it no longer seemed so lonely.

He knew he could not forgive himself or bring his brothers back. But he can still do something for them. He will live honoring their memory for as long as he can. Until one day meet them again.


End file.
